Friday, November 30, 2012

10 types of sex after kids (and infertility)

Note: this post is irreverent and probably unprofessional. It happens. It's a blog. Also NSFW.

[Here's where I demonstrate my inability to use blogger and insert a jump cut by putting in a picture of a pot after I burned the water in it off... whoops...]

One of the blogs I love is Michelle over at Early Mama.  As an odd duck being young-ish and infertile, it's a nice place to not feel like such a mutant parent for a different set of reasons than the infertility set.  I also really like the perspective that you don't have to cancel your whole life to be a parent, or that you have to have your whole life laid out perfectly before you have children, since I hear both of those from my age peers (who either are now stay at home and happy moms who've lapped me more than once or have zero children because "it's not time yet").

Yesterday she posted a really awesome response to a HuffPo article about 15 types of sex you have in your 20s titled 15 types of sex after kids.  I laughed quite hard.  Then I thought... but there's sex after kids and infertility too!

Here's my short list, because I totally couldn't think of 15 (but I can tell you about at least that many ways to treat arthritis):

1. Newly (secondarily) infertile sex: a mix of grief and “now we can do whatever we want since we’ll never get pregnant on our own HAH! missionary position” sex

2. Striving for an additional child sex: probably more work than fun

3. Grief sex: BFN again and all you can do is cry on each other at first, and then hold each other, and then...

4. Scheduled sex: because you forgot for a few... you know... something about not sleeping with a baby/toddler/preschooler/kid around, and if it's on the calendar, we might remember it

5. Family fun night at the YMCA sex: while the kid(s) are away frolicking

6. Check out this sexy movie scene sex: inspiration, am I right?

7. Sick and sleepy kid sex: fewer interruptions, yes please

8. Interrupted sex: you have to go potty again? That's like 10 times tonight. Seriously.

9. Kick the cat sex: what was the cat doing on there anyway? Totally had it coming.
10. Wait... this is fun again sex: after nursing is over and touching is ok again, when there's no more treatments or My Fertility Friend apps or things to pee on

What did I miss?


  1. Mrrrrp. I have some #3 sex burned into my brain for all time. :(

    And yeah... you missed one! The NO SEX sex. The I never want to have sex again because what is THE POINT? sex. And the I'm All Sexed Out no sex.

    And now... the I'm Pregnant, Sex is Not Happening no sex. :)

  2. This made me laugh. :) Still trying to figure out some to add to the list.