Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Mystery solved

Since the baby arrived, the kid has been reporting and fussing about "nobody pays attention to me anymore!" There have been tears. Repeatedly.

The source of this assumption was totally unclear to me. When people come to visit, especially in pairs like grandparents or the sibling and sib-in-law, they almost always spend nearly the entire time playing with the kid (at least one if not both people).  Yes there may be some baby holding but generally it's been a case of the kid by far overshadowing the baby (I sense a theme for the future).

Then there was an admission by the kid that she wanted to be held and in a lap because someone is always holding the baby and NOBODY HOLDS ME. That makes sense, to a degree. We've since started trying to make more time to hold the kid (but this is hard because she is HUGE now) but the frequency of complaints hasn't changed.

The other night I figured it out! I was in the rocker in the girls' bedroom (nursing Little Monster) and the kid was on her bed staring longingly at us, and it clicked.

Eye contact! The kid gets attended to, yes, but nobody spends hours gazing into her eyes. The only thing to do, of course, with a baby is to gaze into their eyes should they be open.

So I'm trying to make eye contact all the time I'm hanging around with the kid. She seems a bit happier about things now.


  1. this is good to know...bookmarking this for future use when R starts acting up if we get to bring this #2 home....Thanks for doing the research for me :)

  2. Uh oh...I bet I'm in for something similar. My five year old is pretty established in her only-child role, and I'm sure there are going to be some bumps. I don't know if I would've thought about eye contact being an issue so thank you for the well-timed post. Hope the school-family balance is going well for you.

  3. Oh.Man. THANK YOU! This really clicks for me with some of what HGB is going through.