Wednesday, December 5, 2012

A moment in paranoia

My strategy to "stay busy and not think about it so much" has worked to a point, and it is now.  I've been writing up a storm between papers and blog posts, so I've got a few days' posts scheduled out but I AM SO FREAKED.

That's pretty much it.  It's been a year since that last missed miscarriage and I'm so nervous about what I'm doing being pregnant (not that it was specifically in the plan since I was pretty ready to be done trying at least for a few months, but thought, "oh whatever. We're moving and we barely see each other so the odds approach zero of getting and staying pregnant for any length of time." and life laughed).

And I still feel lousy, which either makes me very nervous or very glad, depending.

At the moment I'm coping with having treated a pre-migraine with caffeine and now my heart is all aflutter and I hate it. to sum things up, while I kinda feel like a legitimate pregnant person (sort of) rather than someone just waiting to miscarry, it's still scary.  Plus my head just is not in the game for finals.  Not in the least.

And now it's time for study group, so that will be amazing.  I'm so under-studied, and I'm not sure how it happened exactly.

And where is my snow? How can it be December and there's no snow?  CURSE YOU, CLIMATE CHANGE!

1 comment:

  1. I hope the difficult times pass quickly and you feel better soon. Pregnancy loss really fucks with the head, there is no doubt about that. The only thing to do is breathe, and take it one day at a time.