Ok, so perhaps that's not a fully accurate representation of my general reaction.
I've been having lots of what we'll call round ligament pain, and it was getting worse, more stabbing, and more frequent, so despite being between healthcare homes (since we have discount care where we used to live/where I've been lately and expensive care for the next few weeks where we actually live/where I haven't been) and a cheapskate (why should I spend money on seeing a doctor if I'm going to have an early miscarriage anyway?), I went to see my OB. Well, I went to see the one I'd pick if I got to deliver at the hospital we used to live near. With all the shenanigans last fall, I met three of four docs in the practice, which means I get to claim this one as "mine."
And we checked things out, and she says things are fine but let's do that early ultrasound to make sure things are good.
Apparently I'm now ten weeks pregnant. I'd been avoiding counting because I figured if I didn't know, I wouldn't have to fuss about meeting some milestone. Ten weeks is totally longer than the eight or nine I've made it to with the three mini-pregnancies, so that's awesome.
The ultrasound saga... so the clinic has an elderly ultrasound machine and the hospital (some miles away) has the swanky set up.
We started with my OB doing an abdominal ultrasound, and determining, yep, baby is in the uterus so that's cool. BUT she wasn't totally sure she could see a heartbeat, so even though I had to go to the hospital to get the full on fancy ultrasound anyway, she recommended a transvaginal ultrasound to make sure we saw a heartbeat. That was nice. It would have been lousy to drive all that way and then to have several more hours to wait worrying.
Eventually later in the day I got in for the fancy ultrasound, and I had the same sonographer (ultrasound tech? radiologist?) who got to deliver the bad news last December, so that was nice. She wasn't bubbly chatty, just calm and "everything looks normal here, here's this which looks good..." Nothing exciting happened and the pictures are pretty smudgy. We're having a grainy lumpy sea monkey!
Highlight: During ultrasound two, my doc was hoping that the baby would quit facing the "camera" so she could get a measurement but I enjoyed the limb bud wiggling dance for about a minute. Highly entertaining. It reminded me of when I was in the hospital at 20ish weeks pregnant with the kid and she wouldn't stay put to have her heart rate measured and even kicked the doppler when one nurse was especially insistent about trying to measure it. I'm not sure that at 20 weeks you usually get noticeable to other people kicks, but that one sure was. Tee hee. rowdy baby.
I suppose I'm feeling a bit more like this won't all turn to ash at any moment, and I'm a bit better at letting go of my fantasies of control, probably every day. Aside from the dizziness and the persistent nausea, this isn't so terrible after all...