I'm off on a two to three day adventure alone here in a minute or two. It's going to be exciting but I'm driving 7 hours down to stay with a friend, do a school thing, and then drive 7 hours back to stay with my sibling a night. I spent a lot of my early adulthood driving 10-14 hours to visit the spouse at college. In those days I drove and the spouse didn't, so I gave driving lessons and made the long trip at least once or twice a semester. But it's been a few years now since I did something like plot my rest stops and stock up my car with caffeine and junk food. I had planned to sleep late, and I did a little bit, in a nod to the crazy thing I'm about to do, but not as late as I'd planned to. Nerves get the best of me.
Since I'm being honest, I am prone to doing crazy things like this: working an evening shift and then driving 7 hours to spend about 18 hours in town, then drive 7 back after a study group for an hour or two mid-drive. I have this inclination to do crazy things like work myself to bits or be tired enough to watch the world glow while I drink more caffeine. I have this inclination to test my limits and see if I break. In the past I have found my limit and broken so completely that I'm still picking up pieces but that's for the best. I'm in this introspective mode at the moment and I'm contemplating my life and how I order it. How we order things as a family. How I order my career and where it's going or whether I should try to shape it or just let it roll.
I think that I must have healed wrong at some point, like some arm that didn't get set right the first time and needed re-breaking. Looking at the pieces of my old life, I'm glad to have had them but I'm also glad that I got the chance to fix things now instead of later. And now, song time! I listen to this song a lot and think about how life smashes you up sometimes, and it hurts, but the light shines through the cracks at the end, and maybe that's for the best. At least it makes you a person who's more interesting and illuminated.