Rabbit hole #MicroblogMondays

I work down the street from both a women's health clinic and a pediatrics and OB/gyn clinic. I never have time off. Logically if we ever get pregnant, I need a provider and it makes sense it be someone right down the street. (And if we ever get to the "have a baby" part of pregnancy, I would turn up at the hospital in the next town over because the one here is not somewhere I'm willing to be a patient, but really, it doesn't matter to me who catches the baby.) I've now been twice and it was HARD. It is way too easy to be judgmental about the 30 year old with 6 kids and I need to knock it off. It's very reasonable for it to hit me that we will never have 3 children under 5 and it's all right to have it hurt some but I have to try to keep myself in some kind of sensible headspace. So far, nope. Maybe it's time to reconsider this whole comical idea of a third child. Maybe those babies who might have been haunt me more than I thought.

Last night I took my first metf.ormin and prenatal vitamin. It felt like I stood on the high dive platform and looked way down to those pills in my hand, and like I might drown if I jumped. I did it anyway.