Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Ends yet again

I realized today that it's been a week since Little Monster nursed and that means we are done. If I'd realized it at the time I imagine I'd have been nostalgic a little bit but since it was 30 seconds of chomping and then giggling, I was mostly just DONE. On the one hand, given how much I disliked the whole thing, whoa making it to 14 months was pretty spectacular. I had so much frozen milk that I stopped pumping in January for daycare and she didn't switch to store-bought milk until 13 months so that was incredibly freeing. Up until that last time I decided that with the biting/yanking/causing bleeding I'd stop offering and if she wanted to request to nurse, she could bring me her nursing pillow (ok, so it's a polar bear stuffed animal). I turned her down once since then and she was grouchy but she's also getting like 5 teeth all at once. It's so sweet of her to save teething for when I have high stakes school stuff coming up, isn't it? (extreme sarcasm)

My first final is within the week (they are strung out to torture us this semester). Life as we have known it for so many years is really going to end.

It's a very weird set of emotions that's all wandering around my head these past few days, part relief that at long last there will be no more "I'm going to the library for the night" or "No I can't play right now, I have a test tomorrow" and part terror that I have no idea how we will cope with the new world. It of course doesn't help that we are buffering school and real world with a year of extreme wackiness where I'm gone lots and terrible twos (pre-twos?) and new label management that comes with getting an appropriate IEP and so far with one special ed teacher I'd like to fire. Seriously it's been a week with the label and we aren't going to disclose everything to you in an email because we aren't stupid. No need to be rude and disparaging and suggest that the kid won't even qualify for an IEP (and how could you know that anyway, fool?).

The time left in school and with a baby who really is more toddler every hour is so short it is mind-boggling. It has seemed through all of pharmacy school as if it were never-ending and with the bonus year, that's certainly felt more and more true up until just this week. Now there is hardly enough time to get everything ready. I've ordered my work clothes to fill in my wardrobe. I've bought myself a rice cooker and will probably buy some jars for lunches tonight. My travel plans for the first two rotations are reasonably firmed up. Since it works out that I go straight from school Friday until noon (drive for hours between) to my sibling's wedding (SQUEE!) and my first rotation the day after the wedding, my time to prepare is really short. Startlingly short.

My very first na.plex review book came yesterday (that's one of the two exams we take to get licensed, the other one being the state-specific law exam). I was cheap and bought last year's edition since I'll want the newest information to study for the real thing next year. I haven't actually gotten it out of the packaging yet. So far it's sitting where I can kick it around but studying for my exit exams starts Friday afternoon (and the exam is way too soon so I'm counting on being able to fail once so I get to study for it before the retake).

I think for now I'm going to make a list of everything that is left in the semester and another that's everything to get ready for rotations. Hopefully they are similar in length and not terrifying. After I finish the assignment due at midnight and the very last freaking paper I'm ever writing in pharmacy school that's due tomorrow. And maybe after I sleep some since I have a quiz and a zillion doctor appointments tomorrow with big things the rest of the week too. Siiiiiigh.


  1. I am very impressed that you made it that long breastfeeding when you admit that you didn't enjoy it all that much. Awesome job mama! :) Being finished is definitely bittersweet. And now everything else... you blow my mind. Honestly, I do not know how you do it all. It exhausts me just reading about it. The tests and quizzes and studying.. and now the rotations coming up. Yep, you are amazing!

  2. I like to pretend it's my Wonder Woman coffee cup (that almost always contains water since I perpetually spill coffee) that makes it all possible. Mostly it's one thing after another and keeping a decent list of everything so nothing gets forgotten.