Baby shower blues

I still hate baby showers. They are a great kick in the guts every time, a reminder of everything that didn't work in our attempt at family building. I've kind of resolved that I will excuse myself from as many of them as possible because there's no sense in me attending and being a glum bunny. It's just a thing and I'm stuck feeling the way I feel until it gets better maybe some day. For special people I am willing to put on a happy face and stuff my feelings briefly. Some people are worth celebrating.

So here we are (I am, actually), with the most recent baby shower invite to an event happening this weekend. This one is for a family friend who's the closest thing to my spouse's sister that exists (closer than my sister-in-law, that's for sure). Based on family relation alone this is one I'm pretty obligated to attend. Then there's the infertile club membership we share. It took a couple years for her to get pregnant with her first (two)and the twins were born at 22 weeks just about a year ago. This baby happened remarkably soon after that and is expected in late January. It hasn't been an easy pregnancy as you might imagine so I feel bad there too. I get it, at least more than the perfectly fertile folks. I want to be there in solidarity.

But. Oh I hate baby showers. I'm also flying to the ASHP meeting (that giant pharmacy conference which is in California this year) that same afternoon so I get to leave the baby shower early at least. But I hate flying so much. Usually I get to the airport 4ish hours early so I have plenty of time to panic before I get on the plane. Attending the baby shower cuts my pre-flight airport loitering time down to only 90 minutes.

I'm debating the merits of skipping the thing so I can go hide at the airport. I asked weeks ago if it was ok for the girls to come so I can pawn them off on my MIL while the spouse drops me off at the airport. This week the sister of mom-to-be has been discouraging everyone else from bringing kids and their mom was doing the same. If the answer was no children, why on earth did you say they could come? I hate passive aggressive baloney. Ugh.

I don't know what to make of my selfish motivations. I suppose that means I make an appearance and pretend I hate it less than I am likely to. It's possible it might not be awful. Maybe my motivations will straighten out and I'll figure out whether I can go or whether it's better to send my regrets.